i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
