We're like a lot better than the average bears
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
