Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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