If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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