Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
