Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
