No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
