Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
