Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
her vagine was all disorganized.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
