Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize