Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
