yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
