guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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