we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
