he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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