I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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