Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
