She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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