they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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