and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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