he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
