my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
