trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
