can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
