Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
