Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
