i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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