it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
