you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
