my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
