So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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