My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
