It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
