if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
