she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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