Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize