today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
