I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
