so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize