I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
