Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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