Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
