i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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