Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
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