so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
