Yo dont text me then not text me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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