My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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