I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
