she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
