New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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