the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize