There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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