Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
