I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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