is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
