walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
