Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
