evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
