There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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