I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
