shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
