I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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