She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
