I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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