And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
