That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
