You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Welp...herpes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Randomize
