Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
