he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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