that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
