just come out here and I will go home with you...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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