Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
