i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
