I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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