I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
