I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
