I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
