true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
