You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
