They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
