I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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