I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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