My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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