Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
