i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
