I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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