I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
