It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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