Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
