She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
