tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
