alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize