I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
