Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
