Your mouth is God's brothel.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
