JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
