Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
